Happy New Year 2020!
The number itself appears too large and too far away for my mind to grasp, but here we are. 2020 has been a year associated with science fiction, flying cars, extra-terrestrial life forms and the approaching end of the world. In reality, it is associated with anticipation and curiosity about Brexit, the environment, Trump and Johnson, and how the Chinese markets will evolve. Not to forget AI and technology that is rapidly making leaps bringing closer what we read in science fiction books.
New Year day has always been a day of thought, slight sadness and hangover from drinking the night before. Wondering where the year has gone, reminiscing and classifying the good and bad moments of the year, and of course comparing with the years that have already past. But on top of all this, there is always a layer of hope and optimistic anticipation for what is coming. Are my plans going to work? Will I manage to achieve my goal so and more? Did I set the bar high enough?
This year is a bit different for me. I guess the past year has been leading to me feeling this way. I feel the weight of my years, which is something I never thought I would say. My body does not support what I want it to do, and that breaks my spirit. I am getting older every day. We all are and have been since the day we were born. But I think I crossed a threshold where from now on I will not have the certainty that I can do whatever I think of. My brain is not as sharp as it used to be, my joints hurt and I am wearing glasses in order to read if there is sugar in the cereal I want to pick from the super market. Like I said, this is not news and it has been happening for a while now. I just wish it would stop and let me be a young 48-year-old that is trying to enjoy life and family. I guess that would be my wish for the year: health and youth.
Since it is the first day of the year, I will not indulge in the comfort of complaining about everything that is wrong in my life. There will be plenty of time within the year for that! Today is about new year resolutions. It is about all these things that the thought of achieving makes us feel better, newer, happier, or even accomplished. Today is about figuring out what are these small and simple daily goals that will drive us to do more that what we are comfortable doing. More that what we have been doing this past year or even more. So, I made mine. This year I didn’t recite it just to myself, but announced it to my family. I even made everyone make their own, probably to generate accomplices whenever I am ready to give up. This year I feel I need extra help to embark into a positive and fulfilling journey, both personally and professionally, and since everything starts from within, I brought my “within” outside to my wife, my children and my in-laws that are visiting and were innocent bystanders. And to take it a step even further, I am documenting my resolution, just in case I need to rub it in my own face. Once again, people and situations are jumping in mind, but I will stay positive and will not get distracted by the stories I could right about them. Again, there will be plenty of time time to write about them, too!
So, here it is:
1. Lose 10 kilos. Well, I have been on this rollercoaster for many years now. Some of them I have been very loosely trying and others have been very committed. The result is where I am today and it is the starting point of me saying that I need to lose 10 kilos. Let’ leave the abstraction on the side and become specific. I want to be 88 kilos by the end of 2020. Sounds fair? Absolutely! Doable? Absolutely not! I have not been less that 90 kilos since 1990 and I have no idea what is involved for me to get to that weight again. But it is a goal and I am shooting for it.
2. Will write 366 stories. Ok, not sure if we can call them stories, but I intend to write something every day. Like Yiota’s meditation practice. Judging from this initial bit, I am on my way for a year-long mental and psychological diarrhoea! I believe it will be therapeutic for me, fun for others to read, and will connect me with a piece of myself that I left in the Appalachian mountains.
3. Will read 12 books. I am cheating already! Initially I said I would read a book-and-a-half every month, bringing the total for the year to 18. Then, I thought about it and since there are a lot of things that I want to do this year, I figured I lower the bar a little bit. So, it is a book every month. I have a list of books that I want to read, including some that I have to read in order to support my marriage, and they are definitely more than twelve. Keeping the flag of positivity and optimism flying high, I hope that I will find the rhythm i need and will achieve my initial plan.
4. The whole mess. This part involves a lot could, should, must, and maybe that have to do with work, money, obligations, insecurities and mental pain. Or should I say my blood pressure in order to be brief and very precise. Insecurities at work that translate to hunting for the next unicorn and lead to more insecurities that spill into the family life. Planning becomes a little hazy, money becomes a little theoretical, enjoyment becomes a luxury, and the mood sinks in the gutter of modern society. Once again, let’s stay positive today, there will be plenty of time to go into the gutter and poke the within the year. For today I will just make this mention so I don’t forget that this is a real battle that needs to be fought every day, and to be won every once in a while.
That is my list. Quite short, measurable, and precise. At least for the most part. It will not talk about family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances. I will not talk about the ones that
are present, the ones that are trying not to be, the ones that are missing, and the ones that will be always remembered. I will not talk about success, failure, frustration, love, support and courage. Not today at least. There will be plenty of time to talk about all of these and all the people tangled with them. Today I will only start the year by making the first step in the direction that I want my journey to take place. These are my pebbles in the forest, just in case I want to find my way back, or track how I got where I will be in 366 days. I am getting excited just thinking about it, and that is so out of character for me!
So, happy new year and onwards and upwards as the British like to say. To be fair, I like it too, although I am not saying it enough!